I'm a mess

If you're not interested in my personal trouble I suggest you don't read this. It is just my usual rambling.

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I don't know what to do with my life anymore (no, I'm not suicidal). I'm not happy in college and I don't have any friends. Ever since High School ended my friends and I followed different paths. I'm a loner now and I can bring myself to talk to anyone at all. I'm not good with that.

My last remaining friend walked out on me because I "didn't try hard enough". 

Not long ago, one of my colleagues started talking to me. It was nice. He's a sweet guy and very interesting to talk to. But he doesn't wants to stay friends. He asked me out and I just don't want to be alone anymore so I said yes.

I really thought he could maybe introduce me to some new people, considering he has a rather large range of friends, but it's not happening. I'm terrible socializing and I can't iniciate a conversation for the life of me. Things only flowed with this guy because he came up to me. Every day all I expect is for someone to at least try and get to know me, because, otherwise, I don't know if I'm able to make any new friends.

Now, I'm on the verge of having a anxiety attack because I'm going to the movies with a guy. I'm not ready for this. Dating is too much. I just want people that can be there for me, nothing else.

Writing used to be the only thing that made me happy, your comments and favorites used to bring me life, now it all seems dull and, even though wiritng is still some sort of stress reliever it doesn't seem to do the trick anymore. The loneliness is starting to eat me up.

I'm exhasperated because I can't keep a conversation with anyone. It gets to a point where people get bored or give up on me because of that. It's frustating.

My stomach is churning and my head seems to be about to explode. I just want to lay down and stay in bed for the rest of my life.

I know that's not the place to say those things, I just don't know where elso to go or who to talk to. I'm sorry I haven't submited anything I promised, I just don't have the energy to put into anything.